She Is Why Europeans Hate Americans: A Memoir of a Saturday in Munich & Salzburg

• She used the three phrases of German she knows and had to admit she was bluffing when the conversation took a turn into komplette deutsche Anarchie.
• She randomly sat at the same bierhall table as two Amazonians and they talked loudly in English for two hours about Seattle.
• She ordered weisswurst in Salzburg before remembering weisswurst is the actual wurst and had to spit it out.
• She was snapping "the lonely goatherd song" to her sister from the top of a hill and a tour group walked by and took pictures of her.
• She slipped and fell in an Austrian fortress and fell fifteen feet forward and it was so bad a security guard had to intervene. Five minutes later she tried to open a door that was apparently Very Off Limits and same security guard had to inform her that "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO IN AMERICA BUT IN AUSTRIA WE DON'T OPEN DOORS IN FORTRESSES!"

Don't worry, guys, I'm doin ya proud.